My feet pounding against the packed sand beat in time to the
words blaring in my headphones…
“With you all things are possible
Its true that you are unstoppable
Your love will never fade
Your promises remain unchanged
You will reign”
My breathing drowned out by the words and the praises
associated with my heart. Who knew, running, thinking, and praising can all
co-exist.
A tired emotionally exhausted me took to the road this
morning not even wanting to go for a run, but for what I got out of this
particular run, on this particular morning, I am so glad I did.
You see yesterday was Zion’s Prayer centered spiritual
retreat for the entire staff. We all have been working hard and creating things
for this event for at least the last 2 weeks. I can’t begin to tell you how
much I was looking forward to this event. Its hard to feel spiritually filled
or fed here in this place where I am so far withdrawn for the “typical” ways of
being fed. I was excited to spend a day being challenged in my prayer life and
leave uplifted, renewed, and spiritually full. But as we all know, things most
always go not according to plan. I ended up being held captive by the demands
of the “baby room,” regardless of their cuteness, 10 hours with 4 un-potty
trained two year olds and under is a bit exhausting. Not quite the spiritual
experience I had in mind for my Wednesday.
Walking into my house last night, a flood of exhaustion,
both physically and spiritually caught up with me and brought me to tears and a
posture of hitting my knees before the Lord.
“What are you trying to teach me here, Lord” I cried out. “I
just need to feel close to you, I need more of you”.
One thing I have learned is that the Lord does not turn his
ear to the cries of his Children.
Which brings me back to my run this morning. I have found
that running here in this place is my church. I put in my headphones, throw my
phone in my pocket and just go. I sing, I dance, I raise my hands and
completely become “even more undignified than this…” (2 Samuel 6:22). And this
morning was beginning to be no different. I made it off the property and down
to the main road, where I usually start my run. But this morning there was a
pack of dogs (okay maybe just like 3 dogs, but still!!), and one thing I have
learned, most dogs here aren’t the cute and cuddly kind we are used to in the
states. So I leisurely made my way to the first turn off escaping the sight of
the dogs. I made my way down to the infamously named “mountain,” (Side note:
the kids call it a mountain, in reality it’s a big pile of sand.) I circled
back around towards the main road in hopes of making my distance a bit better
today. I was in conversation with my Lord when I took off down the main road
again. Over and over I was simply saying and begging for the same thing.
“Not my will, but yours. Not my strength, but yours. Not my
passion, but yours. Lord, give me a holy fire for the desires of your heart.”
Again and again I was repeating these words for no other reason than the fact
that they were on my heart, and frankly my tired legs didn’t want to run this
morning. As I ran, I had a place in mind I wanted to make it to. On the side of
the road is a little “market” that our kids love to play at when we go on
walks. “Lord, help me reach this place. Give me your strength and your
endurance.” And so I went, running, singing, and watching for this place. I’m
going and going, and I realize 2 things either a.) this spot is way farther
than I thought, or B.) somehow it no longer exists. So I decided to turn and
start running back in the opposite direction. About a mile back toward the way
I had just come, I see it, that silly little “market.” How had I passed it and
not even noticed?
“With you all things are possible
It’s true that you are unstoppable
Your love will never fade
Your promises remain unchanged
You will reign
There is none so able
To mend broken hearts
Heal every sickness
There is none so able
To waken the dead
Light up the darkness”
These words broke through my ears and permeated my heart.
Duh. I had been praying for what exactly, for God to be confined to my
abilities and my strengths, NO! I had been praying for HIS ways, HIS strength,
HIS will to be greater than mine. How much more tangible of a way could I ask
for a sign. He had heard me loud and clear and He was answering my every cry
out to Him!
A dear friend emailed me this simple encouragement from James
1:27,
“Religion that God
our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and
widows in their distress and keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
A perfect and gentle reminder that His ways of filling me
are much greater than anything I could get from any one person in a retreat
style setting. I cry out to be more like Christ, to find ways to draw closer to
Him and he lays it out for me. In only the most loving, and accepting way our
sweet savior can.
“Makinsey, you are
becoming like me. Change this stinky diaper. Makinsey, you are drawing me in
closer, go and pull that out of her mouth. Makinsey, you are being fed, rock
that sweet baby to sleep.”
This 2 year old is getting good at the "serious" look!
And this one just doesn't like to look at the camera!
Liseli with her baby in a shetangi on her back!
These sweet boys are getting so big! Almost 5 months old!
Precious!
The "Market" I was looking for on the side of the road!
The road I run on!
