Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Late night Jesus time...

The mind is a wonderful thing, but has proven tonight to be quite the pain.

A million things run through my mind tonight this morning. So why not share my ramblings with the world wide web.

36 days.

That is the number of days until the "desired" departure for Namibia. 5 weeks, 36 days, 864 hours, 51,840 minutes stand between now and the day I have imagined since I was an 8th grader. I still remember the first time I felt called to be a missionary. This strange overwhelming feeling that something much bigger than me was in my presence. I mean, I was 14 years old standing at the front of a chapel at Church camp in Las Vegas, New Mexico confessing to a mentor that I thought Jesus was telling me to be a missionary. What a journey the last 8 years have been. That moment in my life seems like ages past. The girl I was seems like a lost friend. In that moment my heart souly desired obedience. What I would have given to hold on to that desire, that innocence.

But over the course of 8 years much of life happens. High school happens, college comes and goes, and I am left on the other side full of regret, shame, and confusion. How did whole hearted intentions lead me to a life like I was living? Temptation, sin, and the evil one penetrated me to my core. He found my weakness' and preyed on them "like a lion in cover" (psalm 10:9) waiting to feast on my helplessness.

The beauty though is that in his lies and deceit, I had forgotten the most beautiful part, Jesus Saves! I am moved by the lyrics of the Shane and Shane song "Embracing Accusations" that poetically moves through the motions and ideas that the Evil one is real and wholly evil. Lying and deceiving to win you to his side. In our doubt and fear, we question, " Could he be right?" Is death mine? Left out of the truth in those words is the most beautiful promise any of us could ever receive. Although I am cursed and gone astray, my savior, the king of the universe, saves. JESUS SAVES. One act of obedience that lead a perfect sinless man to die a death of a sinner, saved the world. That sacrifice cast our sins as far as the East is to the West.

What else can I say to him other than Thank you, even when those two words seem so meaningless to what it is weighted against.

I am so deeply in love with my Jesus. In my thanking him, it leads me to desire a life of obedience. For me that obedience, is to go back and fall in love with the call that he placed on my life so many years ago. I am a sinner saved by grace, called by a father to share the same message to as many as I can for all of my days without ceasing. I am not courageous, extraordinary, or special. I am in most cases the exact opposite. I am merely a girl desiring so much to be obedient, I can no longer ignore the evidence that is the gospel. Jesus doesn't just want me to go, as a Christian and follower of Jesus, He commands it.

I want to take the gospel at face value. I want to believe the words of my father when he commands to "go and make disciples of all nations" and to
"share your food with the hungry 
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— 
when you see the naked, to clothe them, 
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?"**
**Isaiah 58:7

What would your life look like if you believed these words to be true? What would being completely obedient look like in your life? 

Trust me when I say in the fear of obedience you are missing out on so many promised miracles from the Creator of the Universe. 

Do not miss out on your purpose in this life time.