Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Late night Jesus time...

The mind is a wonderful thing, but has proven tonight to be quite the pain.

A million things run through my mind tonight this morning. So why not share my ramblings with the world wide web.

36 days.

That is the number of days until the "desired" departure for Namibia. 5 weeks, 36 days, 864 hours, 51,840 minutes stand between now and the day I have imagined since I was an 8th grader. I still remember the first time I felt called to be a missionary. This strange overwhelming feeling that something much bigger than me was in my presence. I mean, I was 14 years old standing at the front of a chapel at Church camp in Las Vegas, New Mexico confessing to a mentor that I thought Jesus was telling me to be a missionary. What a journey the last 8 years have been. That moment in my life seems like ages past. The girl I was seems like a lost friend. In that moment my heart souly desired obedience. What I would have given to hold on to that desire, that innocence.

But over the course of 8 years much of life happens. High school happens, college comes and goes, and I am left on the other side full of regret, shame, and confusion. How did whole hearted intentions lead me to a life like I was living? Temptation, sin, and the evil one penetrated me to my core. He found my weakness' and preyed on them "like a lion in cover" (psalm 10:9) waiting to feast on my helplessness.

The beauty though is that in his lies and deceit, I had forgotten the most beautiful part, Jesus Saves! I am moved by the lyrics of the Shane and Shane song "Embracing Accusations" that poetically moves through the motions and ideas that the Evil one is real and wholly evil. Lying and deceiving to win you to his side. In our doubt and fear, we question, " Could he be right?" Is death mine? Left out of the truth in those words is the most beautiful promise any of us could ever receive. Although I am cursed and gone astray, my savior, the king of the universe, saves. JESUS SAVES. One act of obedience that lead a perfect sinless man to die a death of a sinner, saved the world. That sacrifice cast our sins as far as the East is to the West.

What else can I say to him other than Thank you, even when those two words seem so meaningless to what it is weighted against.

I am so deeply in love with my Jesus. In my thanking him, it leads me to desire a life of obedience. For me that obedience, is to go back and fall in love with the call that he placed on my life so many years ago. I am a sinner saved by grace, called by a father to share the same message to as many as I can for all of my days without ceasing. I am not courageous, extraordinary, or special. I am in most cases the exact opposite. I am merely a girl desiring so much to be obedient, I can no longer ignore the evidence that is the gospel. Jesus doesn't just want me to go, as a Christian and follower of Jesus, He commands it.

I want to take the gospel at face value. I want to believe the words of my father when he commands to "go and make disciples of all nations" and to
"share your food with the hungry 
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— 
when you see the naked, to clothe them, 
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?"**
**Isaiah 58:7

What would your life look like if you believed these words to be true? What would being completely obedient look like in your life? 

Trust me when I say in the fear of obedience you are missing out on so many promised miracles from the Creator of the Universe. 

Do not miss out on your purpose in this life time.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Never Once

"Standing on this mountaintop
  Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us"

Never once. A song by Matt Redman has been my saving grace these days. The first verse above especially. I am here on this "mountaintop", a place so exciting and new that the Lord has brought me too. And looking down and all around me, seeing how far I have come in this life is blowing my mind. At the Rising worship night at the beginning of October, this all hit me like a ton of bricks. For YEARS, the Lord has been preparing me. Never once in the 10 years that I have been doubting him and telling him no, did he leave me alone. Never once, even in the darkest moments was I alone. I can type and speak these words, but believing them has changed me. It has completely rocked my world. 

So tonight I just wanted to let you all know that the same truth is available to you too. No matter where you are in life or how hard something seems, never once will He leave your side. Never once will he leave you on your own. My prayer is that if you are struggling or searching for a reason or understanding, that you cling to those words. 

Watch this video to hear the song.

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Atlanta Bound

Well folks. Technology rocks. As I am writing this blog post I am somewhere over the state of Louisiana. I know, I know, its AWESOME. Way to go Delta Airlines!!

I am headed to Atlanta today for the week! This week is all about training. I finally get to meet the great people I have talked with countless times, and truly begin this amazing journey to Africa!

The best part I feel is what I get to do tonight. Because it is Sunday I get the opportunity to visit Passion City Church. This is so meaningful for me. The fact that I am going to Atlanta for training for a decision I made because of the way that Passion radically changed my life. I can't even explain how excited I am.

I am excited to update my blog during and after training!!

On another note, my best friend and her wonderful boyfriend got ENGAGED this past week. I am so blessed by Lindsey and Dusty. They have lifted me up, prayed for me, and walked with me since day one of this crazy journey! I was so honored when Dusty asked me to be a part of the big night. It meant so much to be there in that moment. Happiness and love was flooding that room. And of course I got some fun pictures!!!


Daddy - Daughter Love. 

Colt and Lindsey! 

Yeap! Surprise I knew all along!!! :)


New Brother-in-law!



Thats right. My best friend is engaged! 

Champagne Toast! 

Love you guys!!!

Thanks for reading and following me!!!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Risky Business.

Today's post is inspired from the message at Hillside this morning.

If you are risking everything, how much more do you think God will use you?

A question asked by Cal Jernigan this morning during the service. As he spoke, I knew the weight that this message held. Is my faith enough? Do I trust God enough? Am I crazy for dropping everything, and moving to Africa for a year?

I think, and believe that this is a normal and totally acceptable question to ask at this point in my journey. I think if I didn't feel any fear at all that would be a bigger issue. So this mornings message on Faith, and belief is something I was yearning for.

Abraham. A man called. A man weary of the promise the Lord made to him, sounds completely familiar. Reading in Genesis, Chapter 12 verse 1, " The LORD had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you." Let's stop there to break down the magnitude that one verse holds.  The reality here is breathtaking.

First off, GO. That one word, a command, not a suggestion or something to contemplate. Two letters that hold the weight of so much life in them. But yet, somewhere in the middle of those two letters something unseen brings up so much hesitation and fear. How is it that one word that can hold so much life, can also hold so very much uncertainty. Who am I to question the word of the Lord? A daunting question to stop and ask yourself.

In verse one the Lord tells Abram to not only just go, but to leave behind all that is comfortable and normal in life for something the Lord "will show" him. I find this so humorous. To me, I like to know everything. I am a planner through and through. So to read that the Lord was just asking Abram to step out on FAITH and go not knowing where he would end up is mind boggling to me. The simple way the language is written here carries so much truth. To go, to step out on faith, is to leave my country, to leave my friends, family, and my home. Scary. All that has been the make-up of my life thus far and soon I will be without. Even now though, as I type these words and study scripture I am reassured of one thing. The "things" that I have thought made me who I am are just that, things. I am who I am because of the Lord. I am a woman who desires to be rooted in scripture and truth, not four walls of a home, and people around me.

The beauty of Genesis 12 continues. Not only did the Lord promise to take him to a new land, his promises continue...

           " I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you;
              I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.
              I will bless those who bless you,
              and whoever curses you I will curse;
              and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you."

Stepping out and going takes Faith.
Faith is risky business.

But one thing I believe and was pointed out today is the simple fact that Faith matters. I loved the three points Cal spoke on this morning.

  1. Faith always involves a risk. 
  2. Faith looks illogical.
  3. Faith is more than words.
So I ask you, and I ask myself, are you playing it safe in your faith? Or, are you risking everything so that God will use you even more than you can imagine? God has promised us so much more than we settle for, so much more than we can see at face value. He always provides, always loves, and always goes before us. I want more. I want the life the Lord desires for me. So I go, like Abram in chapter 12 and the chapters to follow, I will always question and seemingly get down but at the end of the day, He knows what is best for me.

So, Go. There is so much more.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

A brief overview...

I write this blog post with an excited heart. A heart that is expectant of big and great things.  I am at a point in my life, a crossroads you could say. I have the opportunity now to live radically as the Lord has always called me to do. Now on the outside looking in on this beautiful journey the Lord is about to take me on, I’m realizing several things. The Lord loves me and because of that love for me he gave the greatest sacrifice of all so that I can forever bring glory to him and carry his name for all of my days, and in all of my ways.
As a recent college graduate I was faced with the daunting question of “what do I do next?” Luckily for me, I thought I had it all figured out. Somewhere in the midst of me knowing it all and relying solely on my hard work, I lost sight of something. I lost sight of me, who I am, who I am meant to be, and who I have always known I am called to be.  Over the course of a short two-month whirlwind the Lord completely broke me and re-invented who I was. To quote the book Radical by David Platt “…we may discover that satisfaction in our lives and success in the church are not found in what our culture deems most important but in radical abandonment to Jesus.” Success and the pursuit of a high-powered fast paced job suddenly had no purpose in my life.
In the midst of this life altering decision making two main themes stick out. A phrase and song that was thread through the weekend I spent at the Passion conference in Ft. Worth stuck to me, “Carry Your Name.” I am called to carry the name of the Lord to the ends of the earth for all of my days and to be obedient to the command the Lord has given me. The second theme that is defining this journey is “Radical Abandonment.” In reading the book radical, which I quoted earlier, the Lord used those words and challenges to mold me and change my heart forever.
When I now look at the beautiful word pictures that the gospels give us I had become complacent to the urgent truth and reality in those words. David Platt said it best in Radical. “Everything in all creation respond in obedience to the Creator… until we get to you and me. We have the audacity to look God in the face and say, ‘No’.” Wow, right? When I read this the conviction I felt was undeniable. For years I have been telling God in someway or another no. No, your plans are good enough. No, you don’t know what is best. No God, send someone else, not me. I had become the queen of no. That is until I allowed the truth to be more than my desires.
So as I said earlier, I am at a crossroad, a fork in my life where the path I am about to travel will completely and radically change my life forever. In February of this coming year I will be moving across the world to carry the name of the Lord and live out that definition of radical abandonment. I will be living and working as an intern at The Children Of Zion Village orphanage in Katima Mulilo, Namibia. I will be spending a year at this orphanage devoting myself to loving on these children and being totally depend on the Lord and his provision. I will be assisting in educating children, creating relationships; meeting needs for the orphans, and fully utilize the spiritual gifts I have been blessed with. I am very excited for this opportunity I have been given through the Mission Society and Mt. Zion United Methodist Church in Bel Air Maryland. I know the Lord has gone before me to prepare the hearts of the people, and a way for me to connect, and form relationships with a bond that breaks down all language barriers and cultural differences.
In light of this beautiful opportunity to bring Glory to God through service, I would like you to partner with me. First and most importantly, I ask that you please pray for me in the coming year. I with out a doubt believe that I have received a specific calling for this, this country, this orphanage, and this people group, and words cannot explain how ready and excited my heart is to begin this work. Any prayers and thoughts for me, and the people at the Children of Zion Village Orphanage, would be greatly appreciated.
Secondly, I have to raise all of the funds for my trip. I have an estimated budget of around $900 per month to meet the anticipated expenses and ministry costs, along with the initial launch cost to get me into the country of around $3,000. If you feel so led, please consider supporting me financially or adding me to your current tithing. This money will help cover travel, insurance, cost of living, and general support of the ministry work I will be doing. All donations are tax deductible and can be made as either a monthly or single donation. You can do so by either returning the enclosed form, or by visiting www.themissionsociety.com. If you write checks or use the online giving form, please make your checks out to The Mission Society and put my name in the memo or the “missionary name” space online and my account #3027. The easiest way to give will be through the mission society website in the “Gift specified for” put “Missionary” and then fill in my name and account number (3027) under the missionary name blank. Visit the attached site and from there you can donate easily.
I praise God for the people he has intentionally placed in my life. All of you over the years have had an impact on my life in someway or another. I thank you so much for considering taking me on as an aspect of your current tithing, or by going above and beyond where you are now. Thank you for the love and support you have shown me and I know will always continue. Thank you for the countless prayers that have been prayed for me. I pray the Lord blesses each and every one of you for that.
I am most excited to take all of you on this journey with me. I have created a website and blog where I plan to document every aspect of my year in Africa. Please follow along and see where and how your gift is being utilized in carrying the name of Lord. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.

Radically his,

Thursday, July 28, 2011

And So It Begins...

Here we are.

On the starting line of sorts.

A new beginning.

A new road.

A year in africa. Daunting to write, even more so to believe in reality. The beauty in that fear though is the simple fact that the Lord brought me here. I am his, and he is leading me down this path that will forever change my life.

I am excited to share in my journey with all of you who stumble upon this blog either intentionally or by accident.