Leaving, on a Jet Plane...

They say saying goodbye is the hardest part. I would have to say I agree. 

I am currently on a plane to Dallas to begin this journey. I cannot believe I am actually here, that this is actually happening. It is all very surreal. 

Over the last few days, between packing and stressing over what to pack, I had the opportunity to spend precious time with some of the most important people in my life. It was so fun to have time with everyone! It might not have always been a long time but none the less it was super precious to me. 

This past Friday Brad and Ashley Ingram hosted a prayer night for me. It was such a beautiful time of fellowship, memories, and prayer. I am so blessed to have the people in my life that I do. So, to all of you who were there and those who couldn't make it but we're there in spirit, I say thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

Saying goodbye has proven itself to be very overwhelming, and to be honest, quite awkward. Its so weird saying goodbye to people I  am used to seeing or at least talking to daily. It definitely doesn't feel real. It's hard to imagine not being present in the "life" I have always known. I know so much will change in a year! 

To say it has been emotional might be the understand of the decade!! Or you could imagine its just about as predictable as the winning quarterback of the Super Bowl proclaiming he is going to Disney world! Emotion just comes with this territory. I typically can handle emotions pretty well, I have suddenly lost that ability. Tears come easily, sadness becomes overwhelming, and I can't but help having the "oh crap" moments. You know, that moment where you sit back and say to you self "oh crap, I am really doing this." I will say though that those moments are few and far between. But hey, at least we know I am human!! The beautiful thing though, amidst all these emotions, more times than not I am overcome with joy. I am joyful that I am called. I joyful that I am so sure of this, of this call, and of my saviors provision. I look at the world around me and think, "If only everyone could feel this much joy what a different picture of life we could have." I can't help but yearning for hearts and minds to understand what this feels like. What it is like to, in one swoop, feel every emotion ever created. What it feels like to be so confident in the Lord and His promise. What it feels like to know your life is not your own and being totally okay with that. 

So, as I travel today, and feel the weight of all the goodbyes, all the tears, do me one favor. Rejoice! Be glad! The lord has brought me here, He has already gone before me and He is SO excited for me to get there too! I like to imagine that today Jesus and the angels are cheering and high fiving, like "YES, she finally understands it" and on the opposite side of that I love the image of Satan just shaking in his boots saying "oh crap, she really went through with it!!" 

Now that my friends is an emotion worth having!!

Love to you all!!

Grace is an Ocean...

Today I fly home. Today I return back to reality, vacation is over and life is back to normal.

Yet this time normal isn't going to last long. Normal for me isn't going to look the same much longer. A new normal is on its way.

And I can't begin to tell you how many emotions that stirs up within me. Excitement, nervousness, fear, anticipation, urgency, and so many others.

This past week I have had the opportunity to relax, to read, to reflect, and to be thankful. I looked out over some of the most beautiful of landscapes in awe of the creation of my Father. I was in the middle of the ocean imagining over and over again the idea that "if grace is an ocean we're all sinking," that is a lot of grace!!!

Thank you Heavenly Father for that grace that drowns me. I saw the beauty in islands, mountains and creation. Thank you Heavenly Father for creating such a beautiful world that is so perfectly orchestrated. I sat on a beach with more grains of sand than one could ever count. Thank you Father that you not only know and placed every grain of sand but that you know every hair on my head and hear my deepest cries. I am so small in this realm of creation, yet so important to the one who created me.

Thank you becomes inadequate. Awe becomes overwhelming. Silence echoes so loud. I am so thankful, so in awe, and I stand most often stripped of the right words when I think about the Lord.

I just finished the book "Kisses From Katie." In this book, the story unfolds of the life that the Lord has called Katie Davis to live. I found myself in tears most of the time. How can a girl I've never met touch my heart so deeply? I can only pinpoint one thing. Truth. She writes, speaks, and lives the truth that is outlined by our Savior. She inspires me. She encourages me. She answers questions I didn't even know I had. Her life is such a beautiful picture of the only response to overwhelming grace that I can imagine: action. To do something. To be Jesus to a lost and broken world. To help just one more. To love just a little bit more. To sacrifice all that I am.

That is my prayer. To simply "do". To "do" whatever it is He calls me to. Whatever path He sets me on, I want to trust enough to just "do".

I hope and pray that you all pray that same prayer for me and this journey i am going on but also for you and the life he has given you. Wherever you are, whatever you do, live in His will for your life. Seek him daily, rely on him for everything, and doubt him in nothing.

His grace is enough, it will catch you when you fall. His love is enough, it will comfort you in your loneliness. His mercy is enough, It is new EVERY morning. So "do". "Do" whatever He has presented you with because drowning in that ocean of grace is way more life giving than sitting on the beach dry and lifeless.

Vacation days!

December 30th, 2011

"sometimes God works through crazy circumstances"

Today, the first day of this family vacation started as any normal Allen family vaca would! Lots of hurrying, bickering, singing and laughing! And I would have been worried if it was happening any other way!!

As we waited thru delays and other planes mechanical mishaps, we acquired an unexpected 3 hour layover in new Orleans!!

The beauty of being an Allen and a part of this family, is that we meet and make friends easily! Enter in the Lester family! Shane and mindi! The perfect couple to handle this families quirkiness! As we waited, snacked and got to know each other an immediate connection was formed! They were our kind of couple!

As most conversations go they typically always move to "so what do you do" as the answers made their way around the table, my turn came up! As I explained my job transitions since my college graduation, it led to where I am today "well now I am getting ready to move to Africa to work at an orphanage." what happened next can only be deemed as a Holy Spirit moment!

We talked about our love of David Platt books and sermons, Francis chans ability to evoke all sorts of emotions, and Katie Davis her heart and the Amazima ministry in Uganda. My story became one that they understood and could relate with.

As we sat waiting for our plane, ordinary traveling strangers became friends, brothers and sisters in Christ. "Sometimes God works through crazy circumstances" they leaned in and said to me as they so generously handed me a check in their support of my journey to make His name great.

My heart is overwhelmed.
My heart overflows.

Thank you father. Thank you for being present and moving among us.

I am humbled and grateful that He has purposefully and thoughtfully considered me while writing this great life story. I am so overwhelmed that he chose a 23 year old girl to carry His name to the ends of the earth.

The most beautiful part of this whole journey has been his provision in the smallest of details. I could write page after page and story after story of how He has provided. But my prayer isn't that you hear my stories and think how great, but that you in any and all areas of your lives allow him to provide. Because when you do your life, this beautiful gift, will have so much meaning, so much purpose, you won't understand how you lived before.

So tonight as I write this somewhere over the gulf of Mexico my heart is overjoyed for love of my savior, my Shepard and my provider.

Late night Jesus time...

The mind is a wonderful thing, but has proven tonight to be quite the pain.

A million things run through my mind tonight this morning. So why not share my ramblings with the world wide web.

36 days.

That is the number of days until the "desired" departure for Namibia. 5 weeks, 36 days, 864 hours, 51,840 minutes stand between now and the day I have imagined since I was an 8th grader. I still remember the first time I felt called to be a missionary. This strange overwhelming feeling that something much bigger than me was in my presence. I mean, I was 14 years old standing at the front of a chapel at Church camp in Las Vegas, New Mexico confessing to a mentor that I thought Jesus was telling me to be a missionary. What a journey the last 8 years have been. That moment in my life seems like ages past. The girl I was seems like a lost friend. In that moment my heart souly desired obedience. What I would have given to hold on to that desire, that innocence.

But over the course of 8 years much of life happens. High school happens, college comes and goes, and I am left on the other side full of regret, shame, and confusion. How did whole hearted intentions lead me to a life like I was living? Temptation, sin, and the evil one penetrated me to my core. He found my weakness' and preyed on them "like a lion in cover" (psalm 10:9) waiting to feast on my helplessness.

The beauty though is that in his lies and deceit, I had forgotten the most beautiful part, Jesus Saves! I am moved by the lyrics of the Shane and Shane song "Embracing Accusations" that poetically moves through the motions and ideas that the Evil one is real and wholly evil. Lying and deceiving to win you to his side. In our doubt and fear, we question, " Could he be right?" Is death mine? Left out of the truth in those words is the most beautiful promise any of us could ever receive. Although I am cursed and gone astray, my savior, the king of the universe, saves. JESUS SAVES. One act of obedience that lead a perfect sinless man to die a death of a sinner, saved the world. That sacrifice cast our sins as far as the East is to the West.

What else can I say to him other than Thank you, even when those two words seem so meaningless to what it is weighted against.

I am so deeply in love with my Jesus. In my thanking him, it leads me to desire a life of obedience. For me that obedience, is to go back and fall in love with the call that he placed on my life so many years ago. I am a sinner saved by grace, called by a father to share the same message to as many as I can for all of my days without ceasing. I am not courageous, extraordinary, or special. I am in most cases the exact opposite. I am merely a girl desiring so much to be obedient, I can no longer ignore the evidence that is the gospel. Jesus doesn't just want me to go, as a Christian and follower of Jesus, He commands it.

I want to take the gospel at face value. I want to believe the words of my father when he commands to "go and make disciples of all nations" and to

"share your food with the hungry 

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— 

when you see the naked, to clothe them, 

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?"**

**Isaiah 58:7

What would your life look like if you believed these words to be true? What would being completely obedient look like in your life? 

Trust me when I say in the fear of obedience you are missing out on so many promised miracles from the Creator of the Universe. 

Do not miss out on your purpose in this life time.

Never Once

"Standing on this mountaintop

  Looking just how far we’ve come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us"

Never once. A song by Matt Redman has been my saving grace these days. The first verse above especially. I am here on this "mountaintop", a place so exciting and new that the Lord has brought me too. And looking down and all around me, seeing how far I have come in this life is blowing my mind. At the Rising worship night at the beginning of October, this all hit me like a ton of bricks. For YEARS, the Lord has been preparing me. Never once in the 10 years that I have been doubting him and telling him no, did he leave me alone. Never once, even in the darkest moments was I alone. I can type and speak these words, but believing them has changed me. It has completely rocked my world. 


So tonight I just wanted to let you all know that the same truth is available to you too. No matter where you are in life or how hard something seems, never once will He leave your side. Never once will he leave you on your own. My prayer is that if you are struggling or searching for a reason or understanding, that you cling to those words. 


Watch this video to hear the song.
http://youtu.be/n1bXG4WIesA


Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Atlanta Bound

Well folks. Technology rocks. As I am writing this blog post I am somewhere over the state of Louisiana. I know, I know, its AWESOME. Way to go Delta Airlines!!

I am headed to Atlanta today for the week! This week is all about training. I finally get to meet the great people I have talked with countless times, and truly begin this amazing journey to Africa!

The best part I feel is what I get to do tonight. Because it is Sunday I get the opportunity to visit Passion City Church. This is so meaningful for me. The fact that I am going to Atlanta for training for a decision I made because of the way that Passion radically changed my life. I can't even explain how excited I am.

I am excited to update my blog during and after training!!

On another note, my best friend and her wonderful boyfriend got ENGAGED this past week. I am so blessed by Lindsey and Dusty. They have lifted me up, prayed for me, and walked with me since day one of this crazy journey! I was so honored when Dusty asked me to be a part of the big night. It meant so much to be there in that moment. Happiness and love was flooding that room. And of course I got some fun pictures!!!

Surprised!! 

Daddy - Daughter Love. 

Colt and Lindsey! 

Yeap! Surprise I knew all along!!! :)

YAY! 

New Brother-in-law!

Family!

Precious.

Thats right. My best friend is engaged! 

Champagne Toast! 

Love you guys!!!

Thanks for reading and following me!!!

Risky Business.

Today's post is inspired from the message at Hillside this morning.

If you are risking everything, how much more do you think God will use you?

A question asked by Cal Jernigan this morning during the service. As he spoke, I knew the weight that this message held. Is my faith enough? Do I trust God enough? Am I crazy for dropping everything, and moving to Africa for a year?

I think, and believe that this is a normal and totally acceptable question to ask at this point in my journey. I think if I didn't feel any fear at all that would be a bigger issue. So this mornings message on Faith, and belief is something I was yearning for.

Abraham. A man called. A man weary of the promise the Lord made to him, sounds completely familiar. Reading in Genesis, Chapter 12 verse 1, " The LORD had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you." Let's stop there to break down the magnitude that one verse holds.  The reality here is breathtaking.

First off, GO. That one word, a command, not a suggestion or something to contemplate. Two letters that hold the weight of so much life in them. But yet, somewhere in the middle of those two letters something unseen brings up so much hesitation and fear. How is it that one word that can hold so much life, can also hold so very much uncertainty. Who am I to question the word of the Lord? A daunting question to stop and ask yourself.

In verse one the Lord tells Abram to not only just go, but to leave behind all that is comfortable and normal in life for something the Lord "will show" him. I find this so humorous. To me, I like to know everything. I am a planner through and through. So to read that the Lord was just asking Abram to step out on FAITH and go not knowing where he would end up is mind boggling to me. The simple way the language is written here carries so much truth. To go, to step out on faith, is to leave my country, to leave my friends, family, and my home. Scary. All that has been the make-up of my life thus far and soon I will be without. Even now though, as I type these words and study scripture I am reassured of one thing. The "things" that I have thought made me who I am are just that, things. I am who I am because of the Lord. I am a woman who desires to be rooted in scripture and truth, not four walls of a home, and people around me.

The beauty of Genesis 12 continues. Not only did the Lord promise to take him to a new land, his promises continue...

           " I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you;
              I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.
              I will bless those who bless you,
              and whoever curses you I will curse;
              and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you."

Stepping out and going takes Faith.
Faith is risky business.

But one thing I believe and was pointed out today is the simple fact that Faith matters. I loved the three points Cal spoke on this morning.

1. Faith always involves a risk. 
2. Faith looks illogical.
3. Faith is more than words.

So I ask you, and I ask myself, are you playing it safe in your faith? Or, are you risking everything so that God will use you even more than you can imagine? God has promised us so much more than we settle for, so much more than we can see at face value. He always provides, always loves, and always goes before us. I want more. I want the life the Lord desires for me. So I go, like Abram in chapter 12 and the chapters to follow, I will always question and seemingly get down but at the end of the day, He knows what is best for me.

So, Go. There is so much more.